Wounds of My Sister

Faithful are the wounds of a friend...
(Proverbs 27:6)

I thought I was done with talking about hurt after a women's bible study I facilitated a few years ago.  About 150 women and myself took a deep look at the wounds in our life.  Those we endured and those we inflicted on others!

Although we had no expectations that the study would answer every question we had about our pain; with the Lord's help, surely we could come away with a better understanding and coping strategy! I think for most of us we were able to do just that!

However, recently as we've ventured once again into a study of self revelation and reflection, I've discovered a pain that didn't quite manifest itself in the past one.  We talked about Church hurt, Father wounds, Self hurt, and the like from both the physical and emotional perspective but not so much this one. It is a form of Self hurt, I suppose, as it cuts deep into our own souls, festers, and spreads its poison into our family, work, and all other social circles.  It's called Sister Wounds! 

Sister wounds are the intentional (and sometimes unintentional) infliction of pain upon another female to render victims powerless, in order to achieve feelings of significance, value, or wholeness missing in other parts of our lives. [my definition]

It is very much like the crab in a bucket metaphor. Women in similar situations, face a common fate or opportunity, sees one rising above the fray, and pulls her down to perish with the rest!
We do this by discouraging, isolating, and otherwise minimizing her gifts and talents! Its root cause is jealousy fueled by insecurity and is one of seven deadly sins women commit against other women far too often. Interestingly, I came across an internet post that really explained it well.  Take a look at it when
you get a chance. http://oldgreenshoe.blogspot.com/2005/11/seven-deadly-sins-of-sisterhood.html

Apparently, Sister wounding is as old as the sin that it is because I found evidence of it even in the Bible.   Take the case of Sarai and Hagar (Genesis 16:1-7).  Sarai, Abraham's wife could not have children but an acceptable custom of the time was to use a surrogate.  She chose her handmaiden, Hagar but when she conceived and bore Ishmael, Sarai's old insecurities cropped up and she put both Hagar and her son out!  The bible doesn't tell us all the details but I believe there was enough blame on both sides.  Hagar no doubt flaunted her fertility in the face of her broken sister so we see that the Sister Wound sword was perhaps slashing both ways! Their inability to coexist in harmony is one of the reasons Muslims and Jews are mortal enemies today!

Another situation, this too having to do with child bearing, was the story of Hannah and Peninnah (I Samuel 1:6-16).  Verse 6 tells us that Hannah was teased continually by her Sister wife, Peninnah because she could not bear children, again exploiting another sister's weakness to fulfill a selfish need. Even the love of Elkanah, the husband was not enough to soothe her pain.  This shows you how deeply devastating it can get.

Yet all, wounding is not bad!  Sometimes the truth hurts for a short time but brings long-lasting good in a situation!  Just as a surgeon may have to open a wound to release the poison lying deep within, in our Sister relationships we may have to do the same thing!  The difference is our motivation (Ephesians 4:15) .  Proverbs 27:6 tells us that a Sister Friend's words, even when they hurt is faithful (can be trusted) to have our best interest at heart!  It is the so-called friend who flatters and allows us to behave recklessly to our own detriment that is the true enemy.

Sister wounds are often generational, pain passed down from a mother to daughter then from a sister to a sibling. It can come from experiences early in childhood, never dealt with or betrayals of many sorts still existing.  But this we must remember!

Wounding that is malicious is comparable to murder! (Prov. 18:21)
Wounding that is compassionate and loving heals many pains (Prov.16:24)

My Sister, If you must wound me, 

Wound me with the Truth

Then Pray with Me until I Heal!

UNTIL NEXT TIME...

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